Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
