don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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