When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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