Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
