we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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