Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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