I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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