Your tits are I can't wait for
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
