go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dear god my vagina.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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