last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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