You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
