Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
