Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
