six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
