Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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