just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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