I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
