he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
