At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
