So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
