so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
