i permit you to call me
Soap is not a condiment
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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