How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
