the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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