Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
