He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
