we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
