Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
