Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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