just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
