well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This toilet bowl is my home.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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