just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
