Ambien. No doubt about it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
