I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
