I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize