Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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