I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
