Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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