Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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