That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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