what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
