Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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