so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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