forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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