It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
