Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
