Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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