If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
