I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
