It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
