Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
