and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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