Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
