Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm always down for nudity.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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