my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
