just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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