drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
