Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
