I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Let's get the cat blown out
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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