He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
