Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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