So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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