I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
