So drunk its hurt
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
