Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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