Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
