last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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