I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
