dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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