Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize