I'm gonna have a badass scar
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
