Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
