im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
