I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Randomize
