If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
