Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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