So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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